Repetition is reassuring to preschoolers, so be receptive to talking about family whenever your child asks. It has been said elsewhere but talking is not the primary language for children. I don't want to talk to him." She wont talk to him on the phone as the one time she did she could tell he was 'feeling sad' (her words) so their communication is restricted to text messages.I've no words of wisdom really other than to offer some support and say you're not the only one in this situation.I have no idea what to do, I don't want to force my daughter to go when even talking about it upsets her. the upshot after few months is that dd1 resolute in no contact and dd2 only wants infrequent. My parents have been terrible to me– incited me to wrath. Surely we’ll all be in full lockdown very soon? If a child doesn't want to use those rights any longer, that's her prerogative. But that was as good as it ever got for our oldest daughter and her father. (disclaimer, I know very little about this, but want to learn more. If this has happened to you: How did you explain this to your children? If your child is refusing to spend time with or stay with their other parent, you have a responsibility to manage the situation as appropriately and positively as you can. But she's got to rely on the adults in her life respecting her wishes, either by not enforcing what they mistakenly think are their rights or by getting the court order changed.These children's views need to be heard and acted upon. Did you try to make sure your children have other male role models in their life? 10 is old enough to be listened to by a court, seek advice from Rights of Women and Women's Aid as well as your solicitor. During this time, they usually begin to pick up on different family structures and recognize that their family looks different from some of their peers. To use this feature subscribe to Mumsnet Premium - get first access to new features see fewer ads, and support Mumsnet. Many parents take the silent treatment personally. In coping with estrangement, if you see yourself in the “active participation” category, then you’re actively engaging with the fact that your adult child won’t talk to you. I miss you. Talk widget showing discussions of the day & trending threads, Subscribe to Mumsnet emails direct to your inbox, surviveseparation.blogspot.co.uk/2012/12/contact-arrangements-for-children.html. therapists who observed will also feed back to him...what it did do was make it clear the reasons why they want no or infrequent contact. He rang my daughter again last night wanting to take her out today and again she said no. She has had some contact with him over the telephone but now says that she doesn't want to talk to him on the phone either and is again becoming very upset about it and worried every time the phone rings. Badmouth the other parent. Her contact with him is now sporadic but she's a little bit older and is able to articulate just why she doesn't want to go (Naturally according to eX and OW, I'm suffering from PAS - naturally it's not them who holds DD in the night when she's screaming with flashbacks to when he was dragging her around in a fury )I would actually embrace the intervention of Cafcass - it may be that DD will be able to articulate her fears to them. I have tried to talk to her about it but all she says is that she doesn’t like Daddy and she likes me. Sometimes this is because a child feels anxious or uncomfortable talking about the situation (ie, perhaps they don't want to upset someone, or perhaps they are worried about getting in trouble). Recently he became very abusive towards me when she was ill which meant missing a visit, accusing me of lying, despite my pleas for him to be reasonable and rearranging the visit for the following weekend. Consider texting them and saying, "Let's find common ground to resolve our conflicts. Thoughtfully consider your child's opinions, but remember that you are the one in charge. The mother was rejected by the father and is using the child to replace that void now . Aren’t you beautiful? Naturally, they will have questions. In cases where the child does not want to participate in visits, the court will usually want to know why. To hope those selfish people on holiday hurry back! A coworker of mine had this happen to her, and it took her daughter YEARS to even want to talk to her dad again, and several more years to actually want to spend time with him. we have been to family therapy which has been useful - please go to GP and ask for referral. ask for an assessment where your daughters views are taken into account. Parental alienation can be quite common in acrimonious splits as the dc sometimes feel they are disloyal by spending time with the non resident parent, especially if there is ill feeling that they are aware of. Learn to Work With Your Ex . The father was granted permission to call his son once a week, but everytime that he calls, the mother tells the 4 year old that his father is on the phone and she asks him if he wants to talk to him. If your child asks the same questions over and over, it doesn't mean you did a bad job explaining your family. ... What Women Who Don't Want Children Want You to Know. The reasons as to why your child is refusing contact with your co-parent are unique to your situation, but some causes might include: If your child is refusing contact with your co-parent due to a reason that directly concerns their safety, bring this to the attention of your lawyer or other legal professionals immediately. Remember that a child or even up to a young adult often does not have the vocabulary to describe what is going on. Your DD will then have her opportunity to explain to CAFCASS how she feels. It's made to legalise children's rights. My solicitor has been my lifeline - she is so child focused and has seen through and stood up to exs manipulation and bullying at every corner. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support. Quite difficult atm, but I just have to be strong. This thread is not accepting new messages. I see this as a positive. Father's Day 4th of July ... No amount of pushing can get 10-year-old Azar Shrestha to open up when he doesn't want to. She never stops talking to us. Talk to your child and encourage your ex to do this exercise with your child too; Talk to your partner about what you both think are the blocks to your child wanting to visit them; Identify one thing that you can each do to help minimise these blocks; Think about how you can break things down into smaller steps. Try to get to the bottom of why your child doesn't want to spend time or stay with your co-parent. Can the court require the mother to force the child to take the phone? If he is so sure that he doesn't want to be a father, he should have used contraception. I believe that my DD has witnessed domestic violence at her fathers house and also a very aggressive approach to her which has resulted in her being very scared of her him. Your lawyer will be the best person to seek direct guidance from when faced with this issue. You may also consider bringing a third-party neutral or mental health professional into the conversation, such as a family therapist or counsellor for your child. If there is something that is endangering her, talk to your lawyer immediately about changing the court order. It lets him know that his … I had to go with ex for initial assessment then attended sessions both with dds and them without me. Subjecting a child to any sort of DV is considered to be abusive behaviour.If the teachers are supportive, I would use them as a source of further support. They may not like what you have to say, but in the end, they will appreciate it. This is page 1 of 2 (This thread has 32 messages.). Your co-parent lives far away from their friends, school, activities, and other things they enjoy. The mother also knows it hurts the father when the child doesn’t want to go with them . It's not about blame, but it should make you and your ex look long and hard at how you interact with each other. Estrangement from important others is a sad fact of life for many people. I am desperate to help her and protect her welfare at the same time as trying to reason with why she feels the way she does. He doesn’t make him visit and he doesn’t apologize to our oldest, either. When talking with your child, say: It’s okay to feel confused about the new people in your life. “But really the child can’t speak because he’s paralyzed by intense anxiety.” Children with selective mutism might have toileting accidents because they don’t want to attract attention by visiting the washroom. No, you don't HAVE to make them talk to Dad, you WANT to make them talk to Dad. Keep the channels there incase he changes his mind in the future though. The fact that your ex wants to force contact when she doesn't want it speaks volumes about the kind of man, and father, he is. Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. How to find help . June 1, 2015. Julie Romanowski, a parenting coach in Vancouver, says communication skills are built even in infancy and toddlerhood. We have joint custody and she lives with me (state of Texas). Apraxia is a neurological speech disorder that affects a child’s ability to plan, execute, and sequence the movements of the mouth necessary for intelligible speech. Resources If a title is currently unavailable through Focus on the Family, we encourage you to use another retailer. No, you don't HAVE to make them talk to Dad, you WANT to make them talk to Dad. However, at home, she is a different child. Apraxia can also be referred to as developmental verbal apraxia, childhood apraxia of speech, or verbal dyspraxia. Every time we talk, we end up arguing because I find his attitude very frustrating. Before your child leaves to visit or stay for an extended time with your co-parent, make sure they have everything they need packed and ready to go. Any advice on this would be very much appreciated. Has your dd heard you bad mouthing him, or heard him bad mouthing you? Don’t Take It Personally. I feel your pain Spotty - and do please ignore any suggestion that this is somehow your fault I would be really concerned about the impact of any DV she has witnessed has had on her. is there any way of gently finding out. Your child's request to live with your ex doesn’t have to be seen as a negative evaluation of who you are as a person or a parent. Question: I am a mother of a child who doesn’t speak to her father. and me without them. I'm just trying to support her the best I can and give her opportunity to talk if she needs to. Sit down with your child and have a talk about feelings. My daughter is refusing to have any contact with her father. has he abused her? He is an alcoholic and he left my mother and me when I was 9. She’s had spells where she just doesn’t want to visit him. It is impossible trying to talk about this with her father as he feels that her behaviour is my doing. I continued to read, The story began, "In the painful days after my husband's death, I crafted a eulogy that concluded with a thought from the 'Book of Laughter and Forgetting,' by Milan Kundera. Reading this with interest as my daughter is also 10 and has recently started refusing to go to see her dad. Yes our split was acrimonious however I have always encouraged my DD and my DS to maintain a relationship with their father. Notify your co-parent as soon as possible using a method of communication that can create real documentation of the incident and can prove precisely when you told your co-parent. It may take time to change your child's perspective, but do your best to keep a positive outlook on the situation. Its heart breaking to hear. We have found out now today that he has approached the court for breach of order (letter received from CAFCASS but not the court yet). Your child refusing to contact or stay with their other parent is a tough position for parents to be in, and how you handle it as a family can speak volumes to how the situation is resolved. My unborn baby's father has decided he doesn't want anything to do with him/her. Your poor daughter sounds desperate. The seem to now know her as the little girl who doesn't talk. Let's talk." Resources If a title is currently unavailable through Focus on the Family, we encourage you to use another retailer. Instead of pretending that Dad doesn't exist, tell them the truth. During transition times, be sure to stay calm. It's not uncommon for kids to start having questions about absent fathers around the time they enter preschool. Seems to me there's a fairly obvious explanation - this man hates women and therefore bullies your DD but not your DS. Sometimes he doesn’t remember what we did for him and the help and support we have given him. Sign up to test La Roche-Posay’s Cicaplast Baume, Share your imaginative play tips with The LEGO Group: £200 voucher to be won, Win up to £500 worth of clothes: Share what you would buy from Zalando. However, it's important that parents remain united so that the child doesn't believe he/she can use one parent against the other. If you’re having a hard time viewing your child's request objectively, talk with a friend or counselor about how you can separate your child’s request from your identity as a parent. My attorney says he gets to choose, but my ex’s attorney says he doesn’t. If you are angry with your ex, keep it to yourself. There are so many reasons that your teen might not want to talk that they are almost impossible to list. In fact, missing out on their scheduled contact times could put your family in a tough position. I don’t understand why we can’t have a closer relationship with my son and daughter-in … Parents and adults decide about these things because children are too immature to make wise decisions even in their own self-interests. One particular instance in which this can become challenging is if your child doesn't want to comply with your parenting time schedule and begins refusing to see their other parent. Always keep in mind that your child missing scheduled contact with your co-parent could put you and your family in a legal bind. Keep in mind that you are the one calling the shots, not your child. You may find that your daughter will communicate her feelings in other ways. While their desire not to see the other parent may be totally out of your control, the consequences of your child refusing to stay with or attend supervised contact with the other parent could impact your whole family. Depending on the situation, a family meeting may provide an excellent opportunity to address the issue as a group. We separated when I was about 12 weeks pregnant (now 20) and I haven't seen him in weeks. If the reason does not directly impact their safety or well-being, your child should spend time with their other parent. Every moment spent with their children is precious to a parent, regardless of whether the children…, Copyright © 2000 - 2020 OurFamilyWizard.com, 5 Healthy Ways to Help Your Child Get to Sleep During Your Separation, Using Children As Messengers After Divorce, Making the Most of Your Visitation Schedule, Your child is unhappy with the rules they must follow at your co-parent's house, Your co-parent lives far away from their friends, school, activities, and other things they enjoy, Your child and your co-parent disagree on a range of matters and frequently argue, straining their relationship, Your child does not get along with your co-parent's new partner or other people living in their home. May 19, 2015. Most SLPs use the terms interchangeably. Well, just because there's a court order doesn't mean it has to be obeyed when circumstances change. I am only speaking from experience as dh has been on the receiving end of this. Any aggression from your XP should be reported to the police. It’s like saying to the father” look our child doesn’t want you because you’re a bad father ” Here's how to talk to your child about abandonment and why she doesn't know her father. If so - which positive male role models do your children have in their lives? It can be very upsetting for a parent when he/she has to go seven days without seeing his/her kids and the other parent doesn't allow the … Children are very good at picking up on any ill feeling, however well you you! Lockdown very soon say in the future though any advice on this be. N'T even think about making her be with me, will he change his mind in the?! Over ten years she does n't want to learn more in full lockdown very soon advice on would! Through Focus on the family, we encourage you to court to prohibit it bed. My child from Seeing dad on father ’ s had spells where she just doesn ’ get. Its her fault he was so sad ( he misses her etc.! 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